Daddy Diaries

Wow... when I was getting ready to be a daddy, I had all these preconseived notions of what fatherhood would be like. Most were true, like lots of screaming, crying, pooping, puking and peeing, not to mention the lack of one on one time between Kelly and I (which now seems like a distant dream).... However, as with any idea or conception  you never really think of all the angles before hand...  Though I knew that we would not be getting as much sleep as we are use to, I had no idea how little sleep we would actually get... I feel like a zombie on the good days! Running on a virtual 'auto pilot' at home, work, church, with friends; the quick whit and natural conclusions that came so naturally with sleep, is now gone, along with that little brain-mouth filter thing I worked so hard to develop after highschool...

Speaking of sleep... 2.0's down for the moment... I think I'm going to do the same! Who knows when he's going to decide it's morning time... midnight, 2am... oh, 4am, an hour before I have to get up for work... never fails!

Though I knew that a baby would be up crying most of the night, I had no idea how easy it would be at the time he needs me nor how much I would miss sleep later that day... or week... Surprisingly enough I gave up sleep last Sunday afternoon to allow Kelly to sleep for a couple hours. It's so nice to look at my little boy and think of all the stuff we'll be able to do as he grows! I think that's what gets me through the hard times, what gives me the grace to stay up with him and Kelly late into the night as he screams his poor little head off. My decisions now determine how he develops later on. We did find out that he's a water baby like I was when I was his age. Tonight when he was screaming his head off, we gave him a bath to calm him down and it worked for a couple hours... now he's crying again... I think it's gas... poor lil guy!

On Wednesday, Feb 23, 2011 at 9:01 AM, Nathaniel Allen Ward II was born into this world. I am amazed by how much such a little guy can just throw everything in my universe out of whack! Not necessarily in a bad way, but in unexpected ways. People can plan all they want to for a child, but when it comes right down to it, you can never really know how a little bundle of joy will change you and those around you.

Kelly and I could never have imagined that it was possible to love someone so much so quickly and without any question as we do our son! We noticed that we both have the tendency to forget to show eachother attention or affection as we are both so focused on our son. We will be moving into a bigger apartment which costs more and Kelly will be working less cutting out a good chunk out of our income. Kelly and I will be working opposite shifts so we will not get to see eachother as often as we are used to.

It's not only affecting our lives though, it's affecting the lives of our families and friends. There are people who I didn't expect to be around who stepped up to the plate and went above and beyond our expectations and there were others we expected to be all over this event who have chosen to have nothing to do with it. Friends are coming back and others are making themselves distant, We can't go out to do the things with friends that we could do before. Heck, Kelly and I can't have our dates every week like we could before! No more 'fun time,' at least not as much... Not to mention all the other things I can't do any more... No more listening to my hard rock, hip hop, rap and techno music... no more loud music!

...So, why then am I so happy to have a baby? Because he is a little peace of me and Kelly that will go on beyond me. He is a blessing from the Lord. He is a chance to help make tomorrow better than today. Lil Nathan is something I would give anything for and NOTHING will change that. I am so happy to be a father, and he and Kelly give me a renewed reason to keep going.

 Dear Non-Pregnant Person,
I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women, as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn’t mean me – then you should probably read this twice.

1. The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is ‘Congratulations!’ with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you a jerk.

2. Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father – not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase ‘my baby’.

3. On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth, and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it…

4. The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone’s stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix, or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.

5. Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight…ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is ‘You look fabulous!’.

6. By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don’t need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes. Nor do we need to know how badly you will feel for us because we will be pregnant during the summer and how glad you are that YOU will not be pregnant this coming summer.

7. There is a reason that tickets to Labor & Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL, or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents. You weren’t invited to be there when the baby was created, you probably won’t be invited to be there when it comes out either.

8. Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital, and the parent’s home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to ‘help out’. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.

9. If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules, and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.

10. The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.

Sincerely,
All the Pregnant Women in the World



(written by a woman on Kelly's pregnancy message board (as far as I know))

 I often try to imagine what it will be like…

Boy! This child just can not wait to make his big debut... Kell and I ate currently in Labor and Delivery the second time in 7 days... after writing down the times today, it lookis like her contractions were at around 2 - 3 minutes at there closest. I was writing them down while we were at work hoping we wouldn't have to come back... Our Doc said if there are more than 6 in an hour to call their office... so that's what I did and they told me to bring her back to L&D.

Just the thought of bringing that little guy home now sends a shoot of fear though my body! I still feel so unprepared... now I know we wouldn't be taking him home now since he'd be 1.5 months early and he'd have to go to the NICU. It's scarry to think of the logistical side of being a father! It's about enough to make a grown man faint.... maybe I shouldn't say that....

FYI: Just so you don't think I'm neglecting my wife while writing this entry... Every things fine now and we're about to be discharged... Kell's gonna stay at home the rest of the day...

Now, this may make me sound a bit like an old dude, but I  Just had a thought... I was thinking about some old video games I loved growing up as a kid... you know the ones, the side scrolling 4, 8 and 16 bit and even 32 bit games like Sonic, Mario Bros, Metroid, etc... the Classics! should I introduce little Nate to the classics before letting him see the 3D games? How about movies? Original Star Wars vs the newer, 'flashier' prequal?
OK... I know... this won't even be an issue for another 4-5 years! But I want him to have good taste... substance... old fashioned gameplay skills (at risk of soundind like grandpa kong on Donkey Kong Countrey)! My folks tried the same thing with my brothers and I and some of it stuck... at least the important stuff... like Keith Green and Michael Card.
Heck... I've already started the bombardment of Keith Green on him! Good stuff!

There are many realizations about being a daddy both good and bad that have popped into my mind in the last 5 months... A lot of fears and hopes... A lot of dreams and self doubts... A lot of excitement and a lot of terror. Obviously the first realization was "I'm gonna be a Daddy!" as tears of overwhelming joy streamed down my face. The second realization came quickly on the first... "Holy cra-- cow... How in the world am I going to support the THREE of us???"

In the following months and years, I would like to share these and more with you as I go through these probably not so uncommon situations... I hope you find my trek entertaining and hopefully enlightening at times.