Daddy Diaries

So, a BIG realization I had (almost immediately) was the shear amount of selflessness I will need to have! Now I know that I preach about being selfless a lot and I try to live by that as best as I can (which hasn’t been that hard for me). However, I am trying to get used to the idea that I will not be able to do what I want when I want within reason… but now that ‘within reason is changing, becoming more restrictive… Where now, going out to Applebee’s and having a burger and hot wings with Kelly once a month is a treat, after a few months, going to McDonald’s drive thru for a couple 99¢ McDoubles and a Happy Meal with Kelly and the baby will be a treat… Date nights replaced by runs to Wal-Mart for diapers and wipes… New hard drives for an ever changing wardrobe for the ever growing baby boy…

All spare money will be spent on the baby and then some… This is one of those fears that I have: That I will need to work two or three jobs just to make ends meet and that might not even be enough… then, I never get to spend time with my little guy and he grows up not knowing me. Although, a lot of people who talk about these kinds of doomsday scenarios often spend their money rather frivolously with cable or worse satellite instead of just regular TV, or buying brand new cars instead of used, or having a larger place to live then necessary… Maybe I’m blowing this fear out of proportion, but then again, what dad would truly be a Dad without worrying about money?

Giving up things that I like for my boy because I want what’s best for him though is a true demonstration of love. I’m not going to be a selfish father who uses what he has earned for only his own interests and to the determent of his family. Looking back on the last five and a half years with Kelly, I have always put her needs before my own, almost instinctively. I’ve always made sure that I treat her well no matter what. Yes, I will need to become more selfless, but that will come once the time comes.