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Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas Morning

Today is one of the last times in the next 20 some odd years that I will get to sleep in on Christmas… No anxious arousal from slumber for myself or my wife over what lay under the Christmas tree this year. Christmas has ceased to hold the self centered excitement and mystery it once had as a child. The next two years our boy will still be too young to know what’s going on, but babies have the tendency to cry at weird times through the night, so sleeping (to say nothing of sleeping in) for the next few years is not going to be happening any how. But once regular sleep is reestablished, every Christmas thereafter will be filled with early wakeup calls by little Nate eager to open what ever boxes Santa Claus left for him the night before…

Kelly and I were looking through Toy R Us for the registry and I wanted to go the ‘fun’ toys and began to dream of what I will get for young Nathan… Choo-choo trains and legos… remote control cars and erector sets…I was just standing there in the middle of the isle while tears are welling up in my eyes thinking about all the Christmases to come, and how wonderful it will be to watch as my little boy gets to open this or that; seeing the look on his little face as he is overjoyed… It makes me wonder if that’s how Dad and Mom felt in years past. Though, I think that I will probably be the one who is waking up early in the morning eagerly awaiting the arousal from slumber of Nathan to watch as he unwraps what boxes lay under the tree… That brings my heart hope.
Monday, December 13, 2010

Parental Supervision

I was just talking with Kelly about people we would let babysit little Nate, and a couple names came up where I thought “not without parental supervision…” Then I a thought occurred… I will be ‘parental supervision’ … WHAT?!?! Since when??? I’m the one who needs parental supervision (in my mind at least); I can’t BE parental supervision!!! What qualifies me to be bestowed with such authority? Oh, just because I got my wife pregnant and she popped him out means I’m qualified to be ‘parental supervision…’ Whose bright idea was this anyways?

Although, this may not be as bad or as scary as I may think… It could be fun being ‘parental supervision…’ I’m basically a big kid, however I guess I have ‘grown up’ a little more than I thought… I am concerned about certain people we know not having contact with our kid without parental supervision… I’m scared of people dropping him when they hold him or getting their germs all over him. I worry about providing for him and not being around enough for him. However I also think about eating ice cream and pizza with him, and teaching him to tie his shoes and ride a bike. I want to learn with him the martial arts and hunting. I want him to learn humility and grow a servants heart. I want him to learn to love beauty and the Creator of beauty.

Maybe… just maybe, I’m ready to be this parental supervision I’ve heard so much about as I was growing up… Maybe… with God’s help.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Geezer Alert!

Now, this may make me sound a bit like an old dude, but I  Just had a thought... I was thinking about some old video games I loved growing up as a kid... you know the ones, the side scrolling 4, 8 and 16 bit and even 32 bit games like Sonic, Mario Bros, Metroid, etc... the Classics! should I introduce little Nate to the classics before letting him see the 3D games? How about movies? Original Star Wars vs the newer, 'flashier' prequal?
OK... I know... this won't even be an issue for another 4-5 years! But I want him to have good taste... substance... old fashioned gameplay skills (at risk of soundind like grandpa kong on Donkey Kong Countrey)! My folks tried the same thing with my brothers and I and some of it stuck... at least the important stuff... like Keith Green and Michael Card.
Heck... I've already started the bombardment of Keith Green on him! Good stuff!

Influence

This time of the year brings back a lot of memories both good and bad… one of the good ones are of times my dad would make us shovel snow for Emery and Ethel, an elderly couple who lived next door to us. My brothers and I hated doing this the first few years we were drafted into this non-government sanctioned form of child labor, however as the years passed, I at least (don’t want to speak for my brothers on this one) came to expect it. When I was 12, we moved away from our home on 4th street to a place out in the country, away from most elderly people and well away from most people period.
That winter, I asked my dad who would shovel snow for Emery and Ethel that year, and he said we would. So my dad and I got dressed up and geared up to go snow shoveling. We drove 30 minutes back over to our old place and shoveled their snow. In thinking about what it means to be a good daddy, I think of what my daddy did for me. He taught me what it was to be a servant of the Lord not only by what he said and told me to do, but by his actions. See, when us boys were shoveling snow, so was he. In fact, we really weren’t doing a whole lot. In the time it took the three of us boys to clear a 9 ft section of side walk (3 ft per kid), dad would have gotten 3 times that done. He really didn’t need our help, he was trying to pass this desire to help others in need on to us.
Now that I’m the daddy, I hope that I can do the same.
Monday, December 6, 2010

Selflessness...

So, a BIG realization I had (almost immediately) was the shear amount of selflessness I will need to have! Now I know that I preach about being selfless a lot and I try to live by that as best as I can (which hasn’t been that hard for me). However, I am trying to get used to the idea that I will not be able to do what I want when I want within reason… but now that ‘within reason is changing, becoming more restrictive… Where now, going out to Applebee’s and having a burger and hot wings with Kelly once a month is a treat, after a few months, going to McDonald’s drive thru for a couple 99¢ McDoubles and a Happy Meal with Kelly and the baby will be a treat… Date nights replaced by runs to Wal-Mart for diapers and wipes… New hard drives for an ever changing wardrobe for the ever growing baby boy…

All spare money will be spent on the baby and then some… This is one of those fears that I have: That I will need to work two or three jobs just to make ends meet and that might not even be enough… then, I never get to spend time with my little guy and he grows up not knowing me. Although, a lot of people who talk about these kinds of doomsday scenarios often spend their money rather frivolously with cable or worse satellite instead of just regular TV, or buying brand new cars instead of used, or having a larger place to live then necessary… Maybe I’m blowing this fear out of proportion, but then again, what dad would truly be a Dad without worrying about money?

Giving up things that I like for my boy because I want what’s best for him though is a true demonstration of love. I’m not going to be a selfish father who uses what he has earned for only his own interests and to the determent of his family. Looking back on the last five and a half years with Kelly, I have always put her needs before my own, almost instinctively. I’ve always made sure that I treat her well no matter what. Yes, I will need to become more selfless, but that will come once the time comes.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

First Time Daddy...

There are many realizations about being a daddy both good and bad that have popped into my mind in the last 5 months... A lot of fears and hopes... A lot of dreams and self doubts... A lot of excitement and a lot of terror. Obviously the first realization was "I'm gonna be a Daddy!" as tears of overwhelming joy streamed down my face. The second realization came quickly on the first... "Holy cra-- cow... How in the world am I going to support the THREE of us???"

In the following months and years, I would like to share these and more with you as I go through these probably not so uncommon situations... I hope you find my trek entertaining and hopefully enlightening at times.